158: [SERIES] Harnessing the Power of YOUR Subconscious Reprogramming: The Stories Within

Have you ever pondered the power your personal narrative holds over your reality? I'm here with Lisa Sarnowski to help you navigate the world of self-told stories and how subtly tweaking them can lead you to the life you've always yearned for. Drawing from our own transformative experiences, hear how Lisa discovered her knack for storytelling and how I (April)  balanced my dual roles as a business owner and Mom. We're eager to hear your own experiences as well, so do share them with us!

Then, we'll traverse the intriguing path of secondary gains and how they shape our current situations. We equip you with practical techniques to rewire your subconscious mind and make you understand the comfort and benefits of sticking to familiar narratives. We close by emphasizing the potent power of choice. Even when adversity strikes, how you can consciously choose joy. So, tune in, harness the power of your stories and remember, you're amazing!

Chapters

• 0:00 Rewriting Stories for Personal Transformation
• 6:42 Rewriting Stories for Personal Transformation
• 17:36 Closing Time and Outtakes

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Paradigm you podcast. You know, in this work and on the journey, I've just seen that it feels too easy. What do you mean? I just write down a new version of myself, or write down a different story about myself. That is exactly what you do. That's exactly where you start. Really think of yourself a year from now. Who is that version of you?

Speaker 2: 0:21

You're listening to the Paradigm you podcast. You're about to start transforming your life by growing your mind and expanding your paradigms. Here we'll cover real life topics, just like the stuff you'd share with a good friend. This podcast will serve up topics that weigh on our hearts and keep us up at night, whether it's navigating parenthood and becoming an adult, or wayfinding, personal development, marriage and money. You, my friend, are in the right place. I'm glad you're here.

Speaker 3: 0:44

Welcome back to the Paradigm you podcast. On this week's episode, we're continuing the series of how to harness the power of your subconscious by strategic moves so that you can get the life that you want. Today, we're talking about the stories that we tell ourselves on repeat, and I have the brilliant Lisa Sarnowski joining me today. Lisa, how's it going? I'm doing great. April, good to be here. Are we ready to talk about stories this week?

Speaker 1: 1:11

Oh, such a great topic and pivotal if anyone wants to actually make change in their life. Absolutely.

Speaker 3: 1:17

Absolutely Petable. Yeah, oh, my goodness. So you know, Lisa and I both had a whole bunch of different experiences with regards to stories, but we decided that this is a topic that we want to talk about, because the stories that we tell ourselves on a regular basis actually end up creating the environment that we're living. And if you are looking around your environment, your life right now, and there's some area that you're like hold on, this is not what I agree to. This is not in alignment with where I want my life to be. That means that there's some, I'd say, dissonance between what you want and what you have as far as the stories that are on repeat in your head.

Speaker 1: 1:57

Yeah, absolutely, and you know those stories. Our brain can't decipher between true and false. So for anyone telling yourself a story is just going to continue to cement your current reality. And this is where it becomes fun, because you realize that in order to change your reality, you simply need a new story. That's all. It is Pretty cool.

Speaker 3: 2:23

So cool, how neat you just changed the channel. Yeah, you're like wait, I don't like the show that I'm watching. Let's move on to something that I actually agree with a little bit more. So I have a couple of examples that I can think of off the top of my head. But, Lisa, how about you? Do you have any examples where you're like oh yeah, this was a story I had on repeat. Maybe you, you know, picked it up at some point in your life and you're like hold on. At some point you're like you woke up and you're like, nope, I don't agree anymore.

Speaker 1: 2:53

Multiple, right? I mean, we're all on this journey, we're all rewriting our stories as we go, but one of them early on for me as a coach was that I'm a coach, I'm not a business owner, and that took a while for me to unprogram and realize that you can be both, and what does that look like unique to me? Or another one I hear a lot from clients is I'm just I'm not good at sales. I'm not good at sales. I'm not good at sales. You know I'm sure you hear this too, and so, but honestly, one of my biggest stories that I've had to reprogram is actually the story that I'm not a good storyteller. That one was mine for me. I uncovered that one a few years ago and I thought wait a second. I think they are all hinging on this one story. I love that. I never told you that.

Speaker 3: 3:47

Yeah, tell me more about this.

Speaker 1: 3:49

I am surrounded by incredibly creative people in my life and I definitely put them on a pedestal regarding their ability to tell stories. What I didn't realize I was doing subconsciously is when I would start to speak up around certain people, they would stop listening to me. They would physically leave the room, they wouldn't engage me back and I misinterpreted that as me not being an effective storyteller, when the reality was, what I was talking about was completely over their head. It just didn't land. Certain people want to talk about movies and actors and I'm all in. I will listen to the story that's being presented to me, but that's definitely not my jam. I don't know celebrity names tends not to be where I am, but when I would be talking about personal development or growing a business, it was the same reaction back. Almost it was like they couldn't retain or understand what I was talking about. Does that make sense?

Speaker 3: 4:54

It does. It's so interesting that that's the story that came to you because, interestingly, a lot of our listeners are entrepreneurs and I wonder if they have similar experiences. Oh, I'm so curious now, okay, listeners, if that is a story or something similar where you're like, yeah, I just can't relate to certain things because my head is going in a different direction, let us know. I would love to hear more about that. So how did you overcome that, leis? I started.

Speaker 1: 5:23

First of all, I started re-imagining what an effective storyteller was and I started writing more, and then I started seeing that and of course, when you are surrounded by the people that you're meant to be surrounded with, that conversation does land and people do resonate and they can relate, and so it's equally just audience adaptation as well in my own life. But there was a lot of subconscious reprogramming with that. So a lot of the work that we're talking about in the series I would take to my subconscious reprogramming and use the visual stimulus as well.

Speaker 3: 5:58

Ooh, I love that. That's so cool. How about you?

Speaker 1: 6:01

So what was a story that you rewrote?

Speaker 3: 6:04

You know, I had two of them when I was thinking about this episode that I'm like oh, these are two that I think were probably two of the bigger ones that I've had to overcome in the last few years. The first one is that I can't be a parent a good parent and be a business owner at the same time.

Speaker 4: 6:20

That was a story.

Speaker 3: 6:21

Yeah, because I would look for proof. So here's an interesting little side note with regards to the power of your subconscious when you start to believe a story and you believe it to be true, then all of a sudden you have all these little antennas that go out and they're looking for proof to validate whatever story you have on repeat. So I had a story that you know what, if I was going to be an entrepreneur and a business owner, I couldn't also equally be this awesome rockstar mom that I aspired to be, who was present for things and volunteering in kids classrooms and helping with homework and actually keeping my finger on the pulse of what was happening with my children. And so when I realized that that was something that I didn't agree with and, equally, that's not what I wanted. So that's the key piece. It's something that you have to. If you disagree with it, that's one thing, but if you're like, wait, that's not what I want.

Speaker 3: 7:17

If I want both and I did I wanted to be a successful entrepreneur who was able to lean into my creativity and make an impact in the ways that I'm meant to make an impact, but equally, I wanted to be this amazing parent who could be present and engaged with my children and I had this story that was deeply ingrained, that nope, you had to pick one or the other. And so once I decided that I wanted to rewrite that story and change that channel, for example, then I started using some of the different tools that are available to you to reprogram the subconscious and say you know what, I'm gonna rewrite my story and this is how I decide that it's going to live and I'm gonna play it out.

Speaker 1: 7:59

So cool. How do you find you know where are you at now with that story? Oh, I'm so glad you asked.

Speaker 3: 8:05

You know, I think, on a daily basis. I think that it still bubbles up from time to time, but equally, I feel like I'm armed with the tools and the belief system now that, no, I can have both and I get to choose how I show up each day, and there may be things or times where I drop the ball in one area or the other, but it's also what is the story when I do drop the ball, if you know, for example, if I didn't get back to a parent to coordinate a playdate for my toddler quick enough, ooh, I could be like oh, there's an inadequacy there, or I'm the slacker, or I could just be like you know what I'm busy and I'm going to show up the best I can when I can. And equally, I have to be okay with sometimes just, you know, not getting back to those text messages to coordinate that playdate right away.

Speaker 1: 8:56

Yes, awesome, oh, that's so great. I'm loving the new reframe and I do think a lot of listeners can can relate to that, because you know, working with women entrepreneurs that's part of the journey is how do we become the identity that we want and be the business owner and be the mother that we desire? You know, that's that is. That's a good, a good story that you've retold.

Speaker 3: 9:21

Oh it's a work in progress, like we all are working on, but you know, the reason that we decided that stories was so important was because a lot of us have these stories on repeat. It's almost like a constant loop, that's like playing almost in this, like background noise, and what I want to want our listeners to understand is that you get to change that and you can stop that loop if it's not something that's in alignment with where you want to go.

Speaker 1: 9:50

Yeah, and it's such a powerful tool. We think sometimes you know, in this work and on the journey, I've just seen that it feels too easy. What do you mean? I just write down a new, write down a new version of myself, or write down a different story about myself. That is exactly what you do. That's exactly where you start is really think of yourself a year from now. Who is that version of you? Write it out in detail. What does that look like? If you're a business owner, what are you doing? What are you not doing? What are you passing off? What are you? You know, where is this growing? If you are a mother as well, what does that look like? Or if you're partnered, you get to decide what your life looks like, and really that in and of itself is a story that we don't decide, that we are simply the victim of whatever is around us, and so you're already reprogramming that and really embodying this idea that I am in control of my future. It is up to me to decide and choose.

Speaker 3: 10:51

Ooh, I just got goosebumps. I did Good stuff, it is good stuff. It's so exciting and you know, as women entrepreneurs, I don't think a whole lot of people are talking to us about that.

Speaker 1: 11:03

No, I think it gets seen sometimes a little bit too softly like oh, that's just a little bit of woo, woo stuff, that's not actually what you need. When really you know the core of these stories, what you'll start to understand and unpack for yourself. And we're not going to we don't have time to go into this too much, but I do want to plant the seed of this idea of secondary gains, because the reason you're staying in your current story loop is because it somehow serves you. So let me give you a quick example of this. It's like someone who accidentally injures themselves and then they have to take time off work. They have their family take care of them and they get a lot of attention.

Speaker 1: 11:49

So secondary gains sometimes exist in our world. They can both help and hurt us. So in this example, getting hurt gets you the outcome you want. You want attention, you want time with family, you want time off work. However, it also hurts you because you're getting that outcome not in a way that you actually want. So as you start rewriting your story, what you're going to realize and unpack a bit is there have been some benefits for you to stay safe in this old story loop and this old story in these old paradigms.

Speaker 3: 12:21

Oh, I had to work through some of that, Lisa. Uh-huh, Lots of it. I'm still working through it Because once you start shedding that light on ooh, what is the secondary gain? Yeah, and why am I? Maybe playing small? Or perhaps, you know, for a business owner who maybe is feeling like man, I just I can't seem to get ahead.

Speaker 1: 12:44

Yes, or why am I not speaking up more? Why am I not actually telling listeners exactly what I think and feel? Right, I mean, there's, there's. This can go a lot of different ways within the business world.

Speaker 3: 12:57

Oh, I've had to work through a lot of this and it doesn't feel great.

Speaker 1: 13:01

Let's just call that out and be like oh, and it shouldn't it almost shouldn't feel great because it's new right and we forget that, like we got so great at making ourselves comfortable that we forget what that discomfort feels like. So if it feels uncomfortable, congratulations You're well in the way You're winning.

Speaker 3: 13:20

Exactly, you're doing the work. You know what, lisa? You just touched on a really important piece that I want to make sure that we just pause and camp out for a second, which is if it doesn't feel comfortable. That means that you're moving beyond that comfort level and your subconscious is really built to keep you comfortable and feeling safe. Yeah, it's going to continue to serve up, as we've talked about on previous episodes. It's going to continue to serve up that 95% of your daily actions and beliefs and behaviors, because that's what it believes is your, is what you need. So when you start fucking the system, yeah, and it's.

Speaker 1: 13:58

It's what we've conditioned it to believe. Right, like, please keep me in this loop, because this is what I do, this is my routine, this is what keeps me safe, and when you start working against that, it's like wait a second, you program me one way. You know it's exciting to unwind that. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 14:20

So you know, to kind of put a bow on this and tie this all together, each of us has stories that we've signed up and allowed to run kind of through our subconscious, in the background of our minds, almost on autopilot. And Lisa and I are here today to challenge you to to look at those stories and ask yourself do I believe these stories to be true? Mm, hmm, Do I agree with these stories and am I willing to continue living from that place, or do I want to change the script? Do I want to change the stories of how I believe in myself, what I believe is possible, where I want to go? This is truly shifting your paradigm at like a basic level.

Speaker 1: 15:06

Yeah, but a foundational one, an absolutely critical and foundational level, because you change your story, you change your life. So I absolutely agree, April. I think if, if listeners, if you can work through those questions that April posed and then allow yourself space and time to rewrite your story and start working from that place, a lot of magic will unfold very, very quickly, Yep absolutely.

Speaker 3: 15:36

But before you can do that, you need to decide what are the stories that you're willing to keep and what are the stories that you want to release. And, equally, what is that secondary gain that Lisa talked about that you're like, oh okay, now I realize this. Do I want to continue operating from that lens or is that something that's keeping me feeling stuck? And once you have those answers, then you start using the tools that we're going to continue giving you to apply that subconscious reprogramming to change those stories. But you can't change the stories through subconscious reprogramming until you actually know which ones you want to release and change. That's why we're calling light to that today, because we want to call out those stories that a lot of us don't even realize our stories. All right, lisa, do you have anything else that you want to add?

Speaker 1: 16:21

I would just love the listeners to know that we are enjoying the series, and we would love to hear from you what your current stories are and how we can support you through them. So feel free to drop us a note and let us know.

Speaker 3: 16:33

Yeah, and we have a really exciting topic that we're going to be talking about next week. That starts to loop all of this together, because you might be at this point where you're like hold up. Now I've just realized that I've been met with resistance in these areas. Now I understand these stories that I need to change. Now I understand that what's possible and how I can change some of these things. What's the next step and how do I start bringing this all together? And we will be continuing to guide you through that for the next couple of weeks in this series. Until then, cheers to Good Karma. It is closing time.

Speaker 4: 17:06

Thank you for listening to this entire podcast. I hope this episode has left you feeling curious and inspired. This podcast is intended to create expansion in your life through unique stories and shared experiences, and if you enjoyed today's episode, I have a request. I'd like to ask you to share this podcast with your friends and family. I bet they'd enjoy it just as much as you have. And, if you found value, please share this on your social media outlets. That is Good Karma in action. My friends, all right, it is now closing time. Cheers to Good Karma and the power to choose joy.

Speaker 5: 17:45

If you like this, tell your friends.

Speaker 4: 17:49

Stay tuned for the end because we have outtakes.

Speaker 2: 17:52

And now for the outtakes. And now for the outtakes.

Speaker 3: 17:57

Hold on, I'm totally using this as outtake. Go for it.

Speaker 5: 18:04

Oh, that was fun, I got tongue-tied. Hey, you've been listening. Test Test one, two, three, four.

Speaker 3: 18:13

Okay, Now say hey, welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 5: 18:17

Hey, welcome to the podcast. You're really great. Everyone, Everyone that's listening to this podcast, even if they don't even hear the rest, even if they only can listen to a part of it because of a screaming baby You're all really awesome.

Speaker 4: 18:33

Yeah, thanks for listening, bye, bye.

Speaker 5: 18:35

Bye, over and out. Thanks for listening.